It's time

We scheduled his appointment with the mobile vet for 2pm tomorrow.  It's by chance he'll have the same memorial day as my grandpa who passed away 19 years ago on July 23.

There was a lot of thought and consideration that went into our decision.  But that's not to say it's not heartbreaking or that we don't experience doubt when we see a momentary spark - like when he asked for food in the middle of the night.  Taking a step back and looking at the big picture though - he's barely mobile - he walks sideways and stumbles, and that's when he's able to climb out of bed.  His little face seems so tired and exhausted.  Sometimes he labors to breathe.  He lost control of his bladder yesterday and peed on himself - something he's never done before - and he kept falling down when he needed to poop because his little legs are so weak they can't support him anymore.

It hurts to see him like this,  but the thought of life after him sends me spiraling into an emotional breakdown. Yes, other people lose more. Yes, other people are hit by massive and unfair losses - like that of their parents, or their child(ren) or their spouse. Yes, I know that those people scoff at my grief in the face of losing my dog.  But those bitches aren't me, so I don't give a rat's ass what they think.  They're entitled to their grief and I'm entitled to mine.  As I said - grief is relative and it's fluid.  I've never been in a position to face great loss, so perhaps my sheltered existence is what makes this seem like such a big deal.

But Bento has been an integral part of our family for over a decade.  He's brought us so much joy, laughter, love, companionship, loyalty, fun, and memories.  I hope we gave as much to him as he brought to us.